Things Change; And So Have I

Often times people change in their relationships and this is normal. It should be expected, but so often we refuse to acknowledge that we are the ones that have gone through the change. We blame others for our waning closeness, or our falling out of love. But just as it takes two to Tango, so does it take two to separate. Even opposite poles wouldn't repel if only one was negative and the other was neutral; it would have to be the positive to repel the negative. But before you get up in arms, I'm not trying to pin the tail on the donkey, or go after anyone else's relationship. I am speaking of myself and only thereof.

When I was in my youth, I drank with the best of them. I've done shots, played chandeliers, and even smoked a few cigarettes in my day. I know, I'm really living on the edge. However, in recent years, months even, I have really felt the pull away from many of those things. Maybe it's my concern about how it affects my heart, or how too much drinking can make me less of a responsible adult to my boys when they might need me, or even that my lack of care may hurt myself worse than I have in the past. Whatever the reason, I've taken stock in my life and have really focussed more on what I am, and what I want out of my life, and what makes me and my family happy. I've always enjoyed wine, and only tolerated beer; so why tolerate? I love being with my family, and hate being separated from them; so why separate? And there are so many other things I enjoy more than other things I have done. Yes, you have to sort through the lint in the couch to find the pennies, but once you find them, you treasure them.

Happily, one thing hasn't changed; my heart. I have always had a big heart, and always worn it on my sleeve. People don't need a PhD to figure out who I like and who I don't, or more to the point, whom I love. My Uncle Stan died recently, and although it was very nice to see my cousins I hadn't seen in ten, twenty, or thirty years, I was most happy to be there for my Aunt Phoofie, my dad, and my uncle, God rest his soul. When I spoke up to remember him, of all the pleasurable thoughts I could have expounded upon, I settled on a story about peas, carrots, and cranberry relish. It might have been trite, but it was real. I really loved my uncle, and really would have made or done whatever I could for him. 75 years is too short for this world, but at least I know that I was close to him, and remembered him when I could, and as often as I could throughout those years.

I love! I don't know if a lot of people can say that without throwing in a caveat here or there. Too many people worry about how what they say, feel, or do will affect or benefit them, rather than how it might benefit someone else; not knowing how the feeling of doing nice things for people can really give you a continued peace of mind, and even a high at times. I'm far from altruistic, but I know we live on this Earth with other people because we do. And just as if I were alone on an island somewhere, I would know I would interact with only plants and animals, and have to because they would be there with me, I also know that being planted among other humans here on Earth, to not take full advantage of their unique personalities and embrace which ones coincide and foster mine, would be wrong.

I HAVE changed. I apologize to all those who enjoyed my company and being before, because it more coincided with their lifestyles, but don't apologize for the change. I am more myself now than I have been in recent years, and love who I am. I love my wife and kids, my brothers and sister, and my parents, and all friends and family who want to love me too. Love is a two way street. My side is open. How about yours?